is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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