go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
