I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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