i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
