there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
