i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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