My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
