I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He shit in the fireplace
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
