how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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