Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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