I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
