five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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