Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
