Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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