I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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