I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dick very happy bro
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
