I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad