I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
