In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
