i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
