I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
