I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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