She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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