i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
