There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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