I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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