The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
