Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
