I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.