Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here