Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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  (832): I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets. http://tfl.nu/n0nj
  Replies (8) Good night (4787) Bad night (862)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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  (646): Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself? http://tfl.nu/aacm
  Replies (5) Good night (773) Bad night (4773)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Successful day.

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  (512): I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave. (573): Successful day. http://tfl.nu/6nom
  Replies (26) Good night (4437) Bad night (1328)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.

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  (504): She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise. http://tfl.nu/2rjq
  Replies (27) Good night (952) Bad night (2915)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

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  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5850) Bad night (1591)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

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  (304): I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language. http://tfl.nu/immq
  Replies (11) Good night (1557) Bad night (3768)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?

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  (614): He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual? http://tfl.nu/dfsm
  Replies (7) Good night (2740) Bad night (1136)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk

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  (727): Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk http://tfl.nu/ccms
  Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (1098)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.

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  (775): THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL. http://tfl.nu/wgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (3728) Bad night (1557)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.

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  (631): I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion. http://tfl.nu/lz1m
  Replies (6) Good night (1424) Bad night (799)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia

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  (815): Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia http://tfl.nu/lbzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1777) Bad night (826)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.

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  (712): Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field. http://tfl.nu/ntdj
  Replies (6) Good night (1896) Bad night (886)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.

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  (412): He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/cf48
  Replies (5) Good night (1401) Bad night (416)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  that's how you measure success

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?

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  (401): that's how you measure success (1-401): By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday? http://tfl.nu/varj
  Replies (7) Good night (1298) Bad night (443)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me

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  (425): I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me http://tfl.nu/4rz8
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (352)

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