at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
