My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
