she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me