He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
