You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder