wrigley field is MILF paradise
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.