You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.