Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...