Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.