You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires