Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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