I think i peed on brittanys purse
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
