you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
