what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
