Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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