i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
