My sheets look like a crime scene.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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