South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
