Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
