Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
