I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
