i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.