Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.