So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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