we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dicks are not precious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
