I'm lost and stupid without you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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