i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
