dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
