these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
