What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
