I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
