would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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