I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize