just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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